From Graduation to College: Navigating the Summer Transition with Your New Graduate

I have been wanting to share this information for quite a while because my husband and I were extremely surprised during the first summer after our oldest daughter graduated from high school. It was a new level of parenting that no one ever told us about. It felt like the helpless feeling most parents experience after bringing their first child home from the hospital but at the opposite end! We found the summer after high school graduation to be filled with a whirlwind of emotions and activities for us and our “emerging” adult. After talking to some of our friends that have gone through the same experience, we felt validated that this high emotionally charged summer was “normal”. Most families experience this season filled with a mix of pride, anticipation, anxiety, and a bit of nostalgia as they prepare themselves and children for the significant transition to college life.

Here’s a look at some of the challenges and triumphs during this unique summer, along with some practical tips to help you navigate this exciting yet daunting time.

The Emotional Rollercoaster

For Parents:

• Pride and Joy: Watching your child graduate is a momentous occasion. You feel immense pride in their accomplishments and joy for the bright future ahead. Most of us wonder how the last four years went by so fast and the intense feeling of ‘how did we “miss” it’!?
• Anxiety and Worry: The thought of your child leaving home can be anxiety-inducing. I have known many parents that have really struggled here. There are questions about their child’s future safety, ability to manage on their own, and overall well-being which swirl in your mind more than any other time in the parenting journey. As parents we can feel a loss of control happening as our child plans to leave home and not “need” us like they used to.
• Nostalgia and Sadness: Reflecting on the years gone by, you might feel a tinge of sadness as your child prepares to leave the nest. My husband loves to say “those were the days” and “how did they get so big”? He looks very fondly on their earlier days as “easier” and misses who they were all while being launching into a stage of who they are becoming. Sometimes it’s hard to regulate these emotions and speaking from experience, a parent might need to consider speaking with a professional during this stage of parenting.

For Emerging Adults:

• Excitement: The prospect of starting college brings a sense of freedom and the excitement of new experiences. Students have spent the better part of their senior year in high school preparing and picking their college. They SHOULD feel excited!
• Nervousness: The unknowns of college life, making new friends, and academic challenges can be nerve-wracking. The anticipation of not knowing can often cause some anxiety for students as well and can come out as behavior most parents would categorize as “sassy”, “disrespectful”, “emotional”, “procrastinating” and many other forms of behavior you haven’t seen.
• Independence: There’s a strong desire to assert independence and make personal choices, coupled with the reality of taking on more responsibilities. We saw our oldest daughter want this independence so badly as we felt her pushing us away when she wanted to exert her independence and then drawing us close when she felt unsure of her decision about anything big and small.

Organizing for College: A Family Affair

The giant to-do list for college preparation can feel overwhelming but breaking it down can make the process more manageable. I have created a checklist that you can download at the end of this blog for FREE.

1. Documentation and Paperwork:
• College Forms: Ensure all college forms are completed and submitted on time. This includes housing applications, health forms, financial aid documents and any entrance exams, short courses or webinars that are required before your student’s arrival on campus.
• Bank Accounts: Set up a bank account if your student doesn’t already have one as well as make sure you can add money when necessary. I am not big on credit cards for young people. I would rather transfer money to their debit card but I know that is not a mainstream thought so you may want to consider adding them to your credit card account for emergencies.
• Health Insurance: Verify that your health insurance covers your child while they are away or explore college health plans. I assumed that my daughter’s school would take our medical insurance and they did not so I would encourage you to do this. I also found out that you do not have to take the school issued insurance so you can have the school remove it from your bill. Students often do not need to have two forms of insurance.
2. Shopping for Dorm Essentials:
• Bedding: Twin XL sheets, comforter, pillows, and mattress topper.
• Storage Solutions: Under-bed storage bins, closet organizers, and storage cubes.
• Study Supplies: Laptop, notebooks, pens, and a good desk lamp.
• Personal Items: Toiletries, laundry supplies, and a first-aid kit.
• Decor: Photos, posters, and other items to make the dorm feel like home.
3. Conversations to Have:
• Budgeting: Discuss budgeting, managing money, and the importance of financial responsibility.
• Safety: Talk about personal safety, emergency contacts, and campus resources.
• Expectations: Set expectations for communication and visits home, balancing independence with staying connected.

The Transition: Adjusting to New Norms

As your child prepares to leave, the entire family undergoes a transition. Here are some tips to help everyone adjust:

• Communicate Openly: Keep lines of communication open. Share your feelings and listen to your child’s concerns. Most students want to stay connected via texting so have the conversation of how often they would like to hear from you. Establishing this boundary can help them feel like you are starting to treat them like an adult as they start taking responsibility for themselves.
• Support Independence: Encourage your child to make decisions and solve problems independently, offering guidance when needed. As one parent friend says, college is the training ground for figuring this out but a child won’t be able to feel empowered if you continue to step in to help them solve their problems. When and if they call for advice, ask more questions to help guide them instead of giving them the answer. This type of respectful parenting will help them gain the confidence they need to feel successful through this next phase of growing up.
• Find New Hobbies: As parents, finding new activities or hobbies can help fill the void and ease the transition. Sit down and figure out what you used to enjoy doing or find something new that you’ve always wanted to try. Make plans with other adults and go out to: a concert, dinner, exercise, shop, volunteer, dance, sporting event, participate in a sport, a movie, etc.
• Celebrate Milestones: Acknowledge and celebrate this significant milestone together as a family. Be intentional about planning a special dinner or playing a game or watching a movie together to reconnect. Plan something special for your child’s birthday especially if they are away for the first time. A friend of mine called the dining hall and had a cookie cake made for her daughter’s birthday. See if the college or university does that at your school.

Embracing the Journey

While the summer after high school graduation is filled with challenges, it’s also a time of incredible growth and new beginnings. By staying organized, having open conversations, and supporting each other through the transition, both parents and their emerging adults can embrace this journey with confidence and excitement. I recommend a lot of deep breathing, not taking yourself or their emotions too seriously, be the rock your child needs to rely on. To say it in a way that most people can relate to, “do NOT get on the emotional roller coaster with your child or else they don’t know when to get off”. Seek professional counseling if you find yourself getting sucked into the muck. Remember, this is a time to cherish and celebrate, as it marks the start of an exciting new chapter in your family’s story. Life is a journey so allow yourself to feel your emotions and then keep them in check.

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